Suicide is not chosen. It happens when pain exceeds the resources to cope with the pain.
Since my son's death I have decide to help promote suicide awareness to others in the hope of preventing one parent from having to suffer the loss of a child, no matter what age. A mother's role is never over and her worries and pain don't end because their child has grown up and moved away and started a new life. Why is it we never really know about some things until after they happen and it is too late to do anything or make any changes. Why didn't I know more about depression or suicide? Now that my son has died from suicide I am hearing about all these deaths from suicide all over the world as young as 11. It is so sad. Why can we understand and be compassionate about cancer and aids and alzheimer, yet when it comes to depression or bipolar disorder or other mental illness.....one shuns away from it because of fear of disgrace or embarrassment. We have to start showing more love and care to our fellow person and be there for help and support. Sometimes all one needs is a hug to know that someone loves them, or even just to have someone to talk to without fearing rejection or criticism.
I designed some silicone rubber bracelets in purple and blue with the letters REMEMBER ME in white letters embossed into the rubber with my son's memorial webpage on the inside. I sold these bracelets on POS (Parents of Suicide) as well as to friends and family. I have donated 200 of them to Trauma Intervention Center in Prescott Valley, AZ and waiting to donate 200 to a Suicide Awareness/Prevention Support group so that they can sell the bracelets and raise money for their group. I will be doing a talk with the Junior High and High School youths at St. Germaine's Catholic Church Youth Group and giving each youth one of the bracelets along with a hand out of important info on suicide, depression, and bipolar disorder as well as support groups they can go to for help.
I also designed photo pins and photo key chains with my son's picture and dates on it which I have given to family and friends with his website on it to help get the word out there. If one person looks at the website and has a friend that they know is contemplating suicide, it may be just what they need to provide help for that person.
I have written my book of poems on my grief for the loss of my only child, Michael Joseph Stilson, which will be available for purchase next week. Info available on this website under Books for Sale. There is info in there on suicide, depression, and bipolar and various other helpful info. I plan to donate a portion of the profits to suicide awareness.
Shattered Dreams and Broken Hearts:
A mother's greatest loss
Written from a broken heart by Linda J. Stilson
http://newglobalpublishing.com
I dedicate the following poem to my son. The poem was submitted on POS support site by a member and the author is unknown.
Mikey...Michael...Michael Joseph...Mike
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it,
and only GOD knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness,
and secret tears still flow,
What it means to lose you,
No one will ever know.
Author unknown
The author was unknown but it could have easily have been me. My son committed suicide December 20, 2004 at the age of 33 with a blood alcohol count of 2.6. His death wasn't planned and it wasn't chosen. Just a rash act during the lowest time in his life. I would give anything to have my son back with me. I didn't get to say farewell or goodbye. He was gone hours before I knew it but in my heart I knew something was wrong as I felt it and was depressed that morning waking up. I was still in my nightgown when the policemen came with the lady from Trauma Intervention Program to tell me about my son's death. He was living in Painted Post, NY and I was here in Arizona. I knew something was wrong before they came to the house. My son's special Christmas gift he had specially made for me arrived as the police were getting ready to leave.
Suicide is not the answer, just a quick fix for pain that is too much for one to handle and incapable of rationalizing another way to work things out and think clearly.
What can you do to help?
Let your loved ones know you love them and that they can come to you any time when they have a problem or want to talk. Encourage them to see a doctor and get medication and counselling. Let them know all the options and point them in the right direction. The rest is really up to them. You may not prevent them, but you will have least done your best.
Fighting and screaming at someone who is heavily intoxicated or even on drugs serves no purpose except to create more pain. When one is threatening to commit suicide, and you are tired of their threats, don't dare them or encourage them to do so, as they are not in the right frame of mind to know what they are really doing and they may just show you that they do have the "guts" and then it is too late to take back those hateful words. You never know when they will make that choice.
Most importantly, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE yourself on all medical issues and know the signs. Just as important, love one another EVERY day, not just occasionally or during the holidays.
Thank you.
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